The Life in My Years

“That’s not who we are,” said the politician. It may have been a member of Congress, a governor or a local sheriff. Certainly I’ve heard Barack Obama say it.

“That’s not who we are.”

That statement of denial, a far too late attempt to pick up the shattered and scattered pieces of our national reputation, usually follows some act that stoked widespread outrage; a(nother) school shooting, a bombed mosque, a right wing rally that devolves into violence, an outrageous statement that stokes violence against some marginalized group (You know, like immigrants eating pets).

Invariably a politician who hasn’t met a microphone he doesn’t love, stands in front of a crowd or tells a panel of CNN pundits, “That’s not who we are,” and I reply to the television, “The fuck it’s not.

This – is – exactly – who – we – are.

This election night I decided to spare myself the angst. We watched a documentary, and then an episode of The Sopranos (no, didn’t see the series the first time) and then took a peek at the returns. Even early on, it looked bleak.

“Fuck it. I’m not watching this” I told my wife. “I’m going to bed.”

I took an Ativan and nodded right off.

Woke up at 2:45 when the drugs wore off and saw the CNN headline, Trump wins!

So yeah, I don’t think there’s any doubt about who we are.

America is a fascist country. America is a stupid country. America is myopic.

There are no excuses. This country has lived through, and put the world through, nine years of Trump. We lived the nightmare, barely survived it, watched an insurrection, and over the past two years we’ve watched Donald Trump run a campaign that could have been plucked right out of Hitler’s Mein Kampf.

Trump made no bones about his racism, his fascism, his fascination with autocrats. He accused immigrants from Asia, Africa, South America and countries of color of poisoning America’s blood. He’s promised another travel ban and has gone one further and said that he would bar Palestinian refugees from coming to the U.S. (I hope some of you readers will take special note of this one). Despite his denials, Trump’s fingerprints have been all over Project 2025.

And despite all of the signs that said, DON’T GO THERE, Americans decided that Trumpism is the direction that they want the country to take. There are no excuses. No, “This is not who we are,” to fall back on. “This is not who we are,” is as hollow as last weeks rotting Halloween Jack-o’-lantern.

This – is – exactly – who – we – are.

When the ICE raids begin, when the deportation camps are in full operation, when more and more women bleed out for not receiving reproductive care, when gay rights are overturned, when Ukraine falls, when we leave the Paris accords (again), when the EPA is gutted and the Department of Education is dismantled, when protests are quashed, and unfriendly media outlets shut down, when Mike Flynn and Stephen Miller and RFK and Vivek Ramaswamy are given cabinet positions, when the Supreme Court becomes even more extreme, when the administration goes after perceived enemies, when people die or go broke because of lack of healthcare coverage, and when Trump makes good on all of his promises, please, please spare us the, “That’s not who are.”

This – is – exactly – who – we – are.

It is. Because we either chose it all willingly, or we didn’t repudiate it forcefully enough, or out of some fit of pique we decided to allow it.

To those who voted for Trump. I don’t even know what to say. You voted for a fascist because you’re paying a buck more that you’d like for a dozen eggs? I’m at a loss except to say that after nine years if it never sunk in for you, if the vile rhetoric and the terms “vermin,” and “poisoning the blood,” and threats made to political opponents didn’t repel you, didn’t recall Germany in the 1920s and 1930s then, well, you must be a fascist. Looking forward to getting a fitting for that starched and pressed brown shirt?

To those who chose not to vote at all because, well, just because, “I’m above it all.” Grow the fuck up.

To those whose “conscience” “forced” them to vote for Cornel West of Jill Stein or withhold a presidential vote, I hope that the moment when you consummated your decision was delicious, savory, sweet and the political masturbation downright orgasmic. Hold onto that feeling for as long as can because it’s going to take a painful, and bitter turn when the people who you thought you were helping begin to fare worse than they already are and the walls start to come down on every other marginalized person in the world who you turned your back on when you made your decision. Two years into the nightmare, please spare us the, “Oops,” and please, during these next few days, don’t try to salve our wounds that you helped to create.

I’m appalled but not at all surprised because whenever a politician has said, “This is not who we are,” I’ve always known that it is who we are. And now, we proved it. Twice we’ve etched it onto ballots.

Cora and I just returned from a trip to Europe and I was already trying to decide where we should go next. I don’t think I can do that now – visit another country. As an American, whose country just chose an unapologetic, science denying, lying, fascist to be its leader, I think I would be too ashamed.

I’m ashamed and appalled to say, Donald Trump is exactly who we are.

*Banner image is of a mural in Boston painted by the street artist Banksy,