I got a call from my good friend Scott congratulating me on “another successful trip around the sun.” He’s a librarian and isn’t satisfied with something so mundane as “Happy Birthday.”
For my part I think I prefer his version, not for its scholarly tone but for the fact that, for me, birthdays aren’t necessarily happy. Nor are they necessarily sad. They’re just another day out of the 362 or so. The leftovers, Thanksgiving, Christmas and other random holidays I’m sort of compelled to deal with.
Clearly, I’m not big on my own birthday. In fact I’m miniscule on it. I don’t do the full on weekend or week-long celebration. That all seems a bit self indulgent to me but if that’s your thing then, by all means, party on.
This year, I’m completing my 73rd trip. When you’ve done that many orbits, success is often measured in terms of just gutting them out, or at the very least being grateful that you haven’t added another pill or two to the ever growing collection. Having had a cardiac ablation last February I actually reduced the pill count by one. I’m down to blood thinner. Happy birthday to me.
32 DEAD, 40 INJURED ON CARRIER LEYTE IN BLAST AT BOSTON
That was the New York Times headline on October 17, 1953. Meanwhile, 2100 miles to the west, I was being delivered (received?) at Latter Day Saints Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.
I’ve always found a certain amount of irony in the name of that hospital, given the fact that the deliverer (mom) was a Roman Catholic, from Rome, who favored a nice Chianti, and the original sower (dad) was partial to a nice cognac, and both smoked Camels like chimneys. Add to all of that the fact that the delivered (me) is a dyed in the wool atheist.
Three years after my arrival we were living in the more liberated San Francisco Bay Area.
My childhood birthday celebrations are obscured behind a curtain, seven decades old, and a personal choice to shut out a childhood largely best left forgotten. Mom presided over the obligatory kid birthday parties. That was a time when the local Safeway didn’t have an inhouse bakery that turned out sappy, mediocre cakes. Just about every town had a real bakery that put out real bread, real pastries and – yes – real birthday cakes.
The cakes didn’t have movie or super hero themes. Just a cake with some plastic figures – soldiers, race cars, fire engines, cowboys and Indians (it was, after all, the 1950s) – planted on top of half an inch of icing.
Parties weren’t really a thing until the kid reached four or five. Anything before that was just an excuse for the parents to have a cocktail party. Parties weren’t the lavish catered affairs, with jump houses and mobile video arcades that have become common. The host served some bologna or tuna sandwiches cut up into triangles, chips, soda, and cake and ice cream. There might be a planned game or two but for the most part the kids just had a free for all playing with the celebrant’s birthday presents.
And the invitee’s parents? They weren’t invited and they didn’t volunteer to stay. They dropped the kid off and rushed back home so that they could screw in peace with the bedroom door open. Or in the living room, or the kitchen, or, if they had one, the backyard pool – splish splash.
It was the usual neighborhood group. There was Biff next door, whose dad had served in the British Royal Navy during the war. Rusty lived two doors down. He was the daredevil of the neighborhood who climbed to the highest tree limbs and scaled hillsides that the rest of us begged off of. Rusty grew up to be Russ and died, far too young, when, as a young adult, he was swept away over a Yosemite waterfall. There was Danny, from across the street whose dad may have been the guy who introduced soccer to San Mateo. At least to our own neighborhood. There was Whitey who, even as a child, was identified by mom as a grifting con-man. Whitey was a coniving little shit then and probably grew up to be a big conniving shit as an adult (and who in the hell names their kid Whitey?). Paul W. could be best described as Whitey’s flunky – Igor to Whitey’s Dr. Frankenstein. Robby was the most steadfast kid of the group. When friends turned on friends, as kids are sometimes apt to do, Robby remained kind and loyal. His only shortcoming was his dad, Doug, who sported a George Wallace for President bumper sticker on his truck in the runup to the 1968 election, causing my dad to annoint Doug as a “thoroughgoing bastard.”
Thinking back on those parties I realize that I haven’t given enough credit to mom. By the time she was throwing parties for gangs of unruly imps she’d survived a head-on collision on the San Mateo Bridge that, by all rights, should’ve killed her. It left her with scars, a limp, jangled nerves and a lifelong prescription for tranquilizers. After gutting out those parties she decompressed with a martini or three and a few smokes. Dad spent those parties in the company of Steinbeck or Dickens in the relative quiet of the bedroom.
The excitement of those parties was about as fleeting as the sugar high from overly sweet buttercream. The real treat was the little family celebration – going out to dinner in a nice restaurant – just the three of us. I’ve little doubt that when other diners saw mom and dad walk in with me in tow they assumed that their quiet dinners were about to be disturbed by the little shit box with the cowlick. Ha, how wrong they were. Mom and dad schooled me early on in restaurant etiquette.
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